I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
