It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
