take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
