last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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