Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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