this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
