dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
