I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
