I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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