you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You ruined the universe
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
