her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize