its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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