Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
