I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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