I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize