Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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