So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
