She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
