i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
