Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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