forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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