Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
