You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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