Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
