I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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