if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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