Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
