That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Houston, we have a blender
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
