We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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