Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
