Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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