how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
