WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We have started to decorate penises.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize