I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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