I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
