She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
