I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
