allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
