My vagina just recognized that song.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Less talking, more tequila
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
