I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
