i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
