yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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