i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i would punch a child for taco bell
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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