Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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