I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize