So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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