so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
