i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
