well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
