Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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