How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
