if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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