honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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