Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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