he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
