A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
