It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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