It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Found the puke drawer
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
