"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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