You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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