he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
