Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
