Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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