Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
