Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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