Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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