Where is the hickey?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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