Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
