So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
