She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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