A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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