I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
