do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
