The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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