I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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