you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
don't judge my taste in strippers
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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