roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
