I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
