Whod you bang
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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