i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
