I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize