I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
