let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
