forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
