My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
why is half of my head shaved?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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