You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
