I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
