At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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