i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
