I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wear drunk well.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
