That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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