My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
