my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
