I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
