We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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