no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
