Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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