my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
