and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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