Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
