my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
