apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
