i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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