I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
