You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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