so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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